Don't Mom Alone Podcast (marriage)

Many women feel lost in their marriages. They don't know what to do with their disappointment, when to ask for help, or what it looks like to let go of the need to control. But God has given women incredible power in marriage and Dr. Juli Slattery is here to help us learn how to use it.

Dr. Slattery joins me to discuss key points from her bestselling book Finding the Hero in Your Husband and about how what we believe about our husbands can make all the difference in the intimacy, connection and health of our marriages.  

“There are going to be issues in every marriage that have to be addressed, but it's the relational equity that we build through how we treat our husbands that gives us the power to confront things when they really need to be addressed. And when your husband has come to rely so much on your intimacy and companionship, then the fact that you have a concern really gets his attention because he doesn't want to lose you.”

We talk about being emotionally safe for our husbands, stopping the cycle of disappointment and nagging in our marriages, and taking another look at intimacy as a sexual journey to go on with our husbands. It’s. So. GOOD. 

If you are in need of a boost of hope and excitement to help you re-engage in your marriage, this episode is for you!

Connect with Dr. Juli Slattery: 

Links Mentioned:  

More Recent Episodes on Marriage:

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Direct download: JuliSlatteryEp346.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

The daily grind of marriage, parenting, and life wears on us all, but when your relationship with your spouse is no longer a healthy one, how do you choose to walk away? My guest and long-time friend Lara Williams brings us into her story of working through marriage infidelity with her husband and her long, painful journey to divorce.

“And it was a process, but I think I finally got to that place where I could accept that divorce was happening in my life, but that's just it. It's happening. It doesn't mean that's who I am. And it doesn't just because God hates it. It doesn't mean he hates me. He loves me and I went through a process of washing those lies with the truth of what God says and he's so gracious to transform our minds.”

We talk about all the ways Lara and her husband worked to save their marriage, what it was like when saving it was no longer an option and how God met Lara in that place. Lara shares about parenting when you are walking through divorce, dating after divorce, and how the church can both help and hurt during this painful experience. 

I’m so thankful for Lara’s heart and how bravely she shares her story. She has graciously given permission to publish her email address if you or someone you know would like to reach out on this topic. 

Connect with Lara: 

Links Mentioned:  

Featured Sponsors:

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Direct download: DMA_-_324.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

“What’s something you’ve grown in but at different speeds?”. After collecting listener questions, this question stood out to my husband Bruce. So instead of doing a general Q and A episode (in honor of our 22nd wedding anniversary), we decided to discuss Bruce’s journey in learning how to identify what he is feeling, labeling it and sharing it with others. 

Listen to how we learned to process our feelings through church small group. And how we’ve grown as a couple to express those emotions in a healthy way.

“I think a common theme through all of this is just having a really constructive, clear language to talk about things. It is not like any one of these methods solves things. It's not a formula. The more precise and constructive and simple we make this language,  the more effective communication can be.”

Here are the cards we reference in the show (see website show notes). 

More Episodes with Bruce:

Links Mentioned:  

Featured Sponsors: 

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Direct download: BruceEp316.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

Harville Hendrix, PhD and his wife Helen Hunt, PhD have been helping couples for years as therapists, authors and speakers. They are on a mission to share the concepts of safe conversations with the world. They join me to share how their method can help us have more effective in-depth conversations with our spouse and children.

This works every time. It works with parents, with children and couples. It is something that we now know scientifically that if you mirror another person back accurately and with warmth and no judgment, something will happen inside of them. Something marvelous.

They model a safe conversation for us and offer a lot of encouragement and hope for couples who are struggling and how “Conflict is future growth waiting to happen.”

Harville and Helen have an amazing offer for DMA listeners. Use code DMA on their site at safeconversations.com to get 50% off your choice of SC Essentials or the Ultimate Couples Bundle, both courses will receive free tickets to a live workshop of your choice, a $196 value.

Connect with Harville & Helen: 

Links Mentioned:  

Safe Conversations courses: https://safeconversations.com

Featured Sponsors:

Direct download: HarvilleHelenEp309.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

Marriage can be really hard. You start out so in love and excited but over time the daily strain of work, home, and parenting makes it challenging to connect with your spouse. Add a global pandemic and the strain is just overwhelming. 

My guests Brent and Janis Sharpe are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists who have been married for 42 years. They are passionate about helping couples have healthy and thriving marriages even in the hardest of times. 

“Most marriages are dealing with malnutrition. They're feeding everything else in their life… all the demands of children, the demands of taking care of a house, the demands of their job. And by the end of the day, they're just spent and they don't have much energy to move back towards each other. So finding little ways that we can move back towards one another and care for each other is significant.”

We talk about healthy habits that we start right now to give our marriages a boost and they aren’t what you might expect. What is so encouraging about the tips they share is how simple and small these habits are and the big impact they can make.

Don't miss the 90/10 lie! 

Connect with Brent and Janis: 

Links Mentioned:  

Featured Sponsors: 

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Direct download: BrentJanisFinalEp299.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

(This episode originally aired in 2016) Francie Winslow shares the exponential impact marital intimacy has on the world around us.

Sex is a multiplying factor in our lives, not just with producing kids, but producing a massive amount of connection.

In the past two years Francie has been doing extensive research on theology of the body. Exploring how God stamped His image on us. How we express our roles as image bearers through sex in marriage.

God is an invisible God who wants to make himself visible to us. When man and woman come together as one it’s his invitation for humanity to become one with God. Intimately connected with Him.

Francie shares their own family stress and her personal struggle with anxiety. Things that can disrupt marital connection. She vulnerably shares how she and her husband have purposefully chosen sex over isolation.

God’s training us to fight for connection and for each other instead of against each other.

Love Francie’s practical tips for keeping technology in check. So often screens and devices creep in between couples, increasing the distance and decreasing the intimacy.

Don’t miss the list of great resources below to help train your children in forming a healthy perspective of the body and sex.

What we chat about:

  • Francie’s journey to learn sex isn’t dirty or a duty but a delight.
  • Her recent study of theology of the body.
  • How anxiety and adoption stress led Francie and her husband to choose to have more sex (you read that right).
  • How technology impacts our marital connection and practical solutions
  • Help and healing for women who struggle with their view of sex.
  • A reminder to daily do the things that keep you alive as a person.
  • The Ripple Effect of sex in marriage.
  • A word of encouragement for the single mom.
  • Training our kiddos in a healthy sexual worldview (check out Francie’s resource list below).

Connect with Francie:

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Links Mentioned:

Francie’s Resource List:

Get these books (as many as you can!) and read them over and over and over.  They are great for a range of ages – not just toddlers.  Not only will it help form a great spiritual foundation for your kids as they enter a sexually intense world as kids (sadly it happens young these days), it will help you as a grown up re-learn how to think about bodies, sexuality and identity.  It will also help give you simple, common language to use on an everyday basis in your home.  They have all been such a big part of us growing in this new way of seeing the gift of sex as a family.

For older kids:

Theology of His Body/Theology of Her Body** by Jason Evert (This was written with college kids in mind, but I found it super helpful and use it woven into conversations with my kids.)

For those who want more depth…Theology of the Body for Beginners** by Christopher West

**Amazon Affiliate Link

Featured Sponsor:

Prepdish: Get two weeks for free if you go to http://prepdish.com/dma

 

Direct download: SofMWeek3FrancieWinslow.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

With the current global pandemic, we are all together more than ever and it’s causing friction in our relationship with our spouse and kids. Back by popular demand, Paul David Tripp is here to answer your parenting and marriage questions and give us hope for how God can grow good things in our families during this challenging time

“One of the things that I've tried to keep in mind as we're going through this unprecedented thing is what the cross of Jesus Christ teaches us. God can produce very good things out of very bad things. So I want to ask the question, what is the good that God wants for my marriage and my parenting out of this?”

We talk about building trust and unity in a marriage, making a plan with your spouse for parenting and discipline and the three stages of parenting from a Gospel perspective. It’s my hope that this episode will fill you with fresh faith for what is possible in your family. 

Connect with Paul David Tripp: 

Listen to previous Paul David Tripp episodes:

Sponsors: 

  • Exploring the Bible Together --now through May 18, 2020, Don’t Mom Alone listeners can pick up a copy of Exploring the Bible Together along with a selection of ESV children’s Bibles for 40% off with a free Crossway+ membership. For more information, visit crossway.org/DMA6

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Direct download: PaulDavidTrippEp285.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

*Earbud warning…may want to listen without innocent ears hearing as well. 😉

This episode is about having great SEX with your husband. Whether that gets you excited or brings up fear in you, please stay and listen to my chat with Nancy Houston. She is a licensed professional counselor and sex therapist who shares candidly about how to overcome barriers to intimacy in marriage.

We talk about how to work through sexual pasts, sex after having kids, the impact of porn and sexual addiction on marriage. And how getting healing from your past experiences can draw you closer to your husband.

There’s a big learning curve to all of this. And you know too many times we treat sex as something that should be automatic and if we love each other this should just work. And that’s just not true. I mean statistically 60 percent of couples are having some sort of sexual problem right this minute. 

What we chat about:

  • Why the Christian community needs to open up more about sex and healthy intimacy
  • How sex drive changes for women after they’ve had kids
  • The importance of foreplay for women especially
  • God gave us sex as a way to bond us together with our husband
  • Statistically, 60 percent of couples are having some sort of sexual problems at any given minute
  • A woman’s largest sex organ is her brain
  • The need for healing when you’ve experienced sexual abuse
  • How Nancy processed and found healing from the sexual trauma she experienced
  • Porn vs sexual addiction and the need for therapy
  • God made us for intimacy
  • Letting go of the negative aspects you may have built up around the idea of sex
  • Raising our kids to have a healthy view of sexuality
  • 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 and how it references sex in marriage
  • Having your hormones checked, exercise and eating healthy can help your body be prepared for sex
  • Having healthy conversations about sex with your husband (not during sex!)
  • Sex isn’t meant to be a performance, it’s meant to be a way for you and your husband to connect
  • Invite God into the sexual part of your marriage

Links Mentioned:

Nancy’s recommended books:

**Amazon affiliate link

Direct download: GCMEp206NancyHouston.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

Life is full of decisions. We do our best to choose wisely and follow God’s lead. Sometimes God leads us in a different direction. It doesn’t always make “sense” in the moment.  And it definitely isn’t easy to share those changes with others.

It’s been over a year since we’ve given you a glimpse behind the scenes. In that time A LOT has happened in our world: new job, school shifts, adopting & “re-homing” a puppy. So I’m bringing my hubby Bruce back on the show to share one concept he’s used at work for years and he has helped me process the last year of change.

In this episode Bruce and I let you in on the thought process behind our life choices. Hoping this conversation will allow you grace to change your mind without the fear of what others think.

I reserve the right to change my mind and not have to explain it to you, but every person who hears about it wants to know the whole story. What I’ve found is people want to know the should. Every time I talk to a mom, they are feeling this pressure to get it all right, so then when they hear a story that doesn’t work out or where you changed your mind they are trying to analyze the rightness of it.

What we chat about:

  • What’s happened in the MacFadyen family in the past year
  • Bruce’s current business, Door Real Estate Brokerage
  • The mantra, “I always reserve the right to change my mind”
  • Making the decision to send one of our sons back to school after a semester of homeschooling
  • What happened with our dog
  • Giving yourself freedom to change your mind
  • Being gracious to others who change their minds
  • Why we need to give our kids and ourselves permission to make mistakes
  • Working to create an environment at home where it’s okay to change your mind and make mistakes
  • In all of the decisions in life it’s about balance and listening to God’s voice

Links Mentioned:

Direct download: GCMChangeMyMindEp196.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

It’s not all sunshine and roses in marriage, even when both you and your husband follow Jesus. My guests today share about one of the most painful possibilities in a marriage —infidelity.

My friend Jae tells her story of learning her husband had an affair and the work God did in both of their lives to restore their marriage. Licensed professional counselor Cheryl Scruggs shares about her infidelity, divorce, and eventual re-marriage, along with a lot of practical advice and scriptures she learned in the seven years she was separated from her husband.

The main takeaway? HOPE. There is hope for your marriage. It’s not easy, because we’re all sinners, but God can heal and restore us when we surrender it all to him.

For all of us in marriage, I think it’s important that we are paying attention. In John 10:10 it says that the thief comes kill, steal and destroy, but I have come to give you life and life abundantly. God wants us to have a great marriage, not easy, not perfect. But it’s really understanding we’re both sinners and how are we going to walk this walk together in this relationship as a sinner married to a sinner. 

**If you are in a relationship where you or your children have been physically abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or http://www.thehotline.org.

What we chat about:

  • Cheryl Scruggs and Jae share their marriage stories.
  • Discovering God’s plans for marriage.
  • Hope for restoration in marriage even after an affair.
  • How do you know if God is asking you to stay in a marriage?
  • Trusting God with your spouse and being open to what he wants to teach you and show you.
  • Understanding our role as a wife God has called you to be.
  • Recognizing the situations where it’s necessary to leave a marriage (physical safety, lifestyle of infidelity).
  • It takes time for healing in marriage.
  • Physical intimacy throughout marriage conflicts.
  • Balancing advice from friends and family with what God wants for your marriage.
  • Biblical roles in marriage.

Scriptures Mentioned:

    • Eph. 3:20 – Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us
    • Matthew 19:26 – Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
    • Deuteronomy 8:1-10 – Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands… For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land. [read full passage]
    • John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Links Mentioned:

Direct download: GCMCherylShruggsJaeEp195.mp3
Category:marriage -- posted at: 12:30am CDT

Heather interviews NYTimes Best Selling Author, Melanie Shankle. They discuss Melanie's new book, "The Antelope in the Living Room". Melanie tells the story of one of her humbling marriage moments. At the end of the podcast, Melanie shares how she stays God-centered and how she chooses what to read from the Bible. 

Direct download: The_Antelope_in_the_Living_Room_Episode_12_Melanie_Shankle.m4a
Category:marriage -- posted at: 10:29pm CDT

Heather interviews a long time friend, Rebekah Greer. In this episode Rebekah shares her story of marriage at a young age, her husband's infidelity, multiple attempts at reconciliation and their eventual divorce. She also vulnerably shares the challenges of being a single mom with 5 kids and how the church supported her through that time. Make sure you listen to the whole episode to hear how without any plan to find another husband, the Lord graciously provided a wonderful man whom she married several years ago. Rebekah wonderfully communicates the hope in connecting with God over any other relationship and the beauty of redeeming love. 

Direct download: GCM_Redeeming_Love_Ep8_Rebekah_Greer.m4a
Category:marriage -- posted at: 10:56pm CDT

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