Don't Mom Alone Podcast

“They just keep fighting!”

Summer, for us, means lots of unstructured time together as a family. Which is great. . . until it’s not.

Perhaps you can identify. Maybe you see yourself in one of the following situations:

Situation #1 – The kids are fighting – again! The harder you try to make it stop, the worse it seems to get – and the kids seem more and more resentful.

Situation #2 – One minute they love each other and the next minute they’re arch enemies. The older they get the louder and angrier it gets. You hate the way this affects everyone’s mood, including your own.

Situation #3 – Time-outs, required apologies, and firmness temporarily curb the fighting, but it soon comes back with more intensity.

Situation #4 – Your young kids are beginning their rivalry and you worry where it’s heading if you don’t learn some better strategies.  (copied from Sibling Conflict Online Course description).

Jim & Lynne Jackson from ConnectedFamilies.org are back to equip us in training our children to solve conflict well. And instead of just wishing they would “just stop fighting”, to recognize the gospel work of guiding our family to reconciliation.

Jim & Lynne have been on the show before sharing their fabulous 4-layer framework for discipline that connects (Listen here to Episode 80 & 81). And again helping connect in any situation (Ep 98). And recently helping us work with our kids on all of our entitlement issues (Ep 200)

Today, they are talking us through The Peace Process. A simple but effective way to guide our kids to a lifetime of reconciled relationships. Here’s their great graphic with the four steps moving us from “crazy mountain” to peaceful reconciliation (Click here to print your own copy):

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Conflict is inevitable. Instead of just getting frustrated and annoyed, I’ve found having a plan to reconnect hearts and train empathy so helpful. I also loved all the phrases Jim & Lynne modeled to use as we guide our children through the process. Here are some of my favorites (I’ll be bookmarking this page and referring to often):

  • “Sounds like y’all are having a hard time. Do you need my help or are you able to work it out on your own?”
  • “Solving brains won’t work until we’re calm. Why don’t we each find a comfortable place. How long do you need? 5 min? 10 min? Then we’ll come back together to work this out.”
  • “Did you hear that? How does she feel? Do you like that what you did made her feel that way? You two are listening to each other. How does that feel?”
  • “Your big feelings are a gift. And they are an even greater gift with you can use them to help understand other’s big feelings.”
  • “What’s going on? What was important to each person? How have you solved this problem before? Would you like to think of ways to solve the problem or do you want me to help give you choices on how to solve it?”
  • “Are there four things you could say that are kind and true about that person?”

Lastly, if you need more help learning how to guide your kiddos through the peace process, check out Jim & Lynne’s new SIBLING CONFLICT ONLINE COURSE. I’ll be working through it this summer. Join me!  

What we chat about:

  • Considering your own baggage/sibling situation as you rush into your kids’ conflict.
  • Are we trying to get conflict to stop or teach reconciliation?
  • The four steps to “The Peace Process”. 
  • A real life example of applying peace process.
  • How training in reconciliation helps our kids in their future marriages and relationships.
  • Helping our kids learn how to solve the problem of the conflict (a 3-step process).
  • A scenario of a more empathetic child in conflict with a more strong-willed child–growing specific skills in kids.
  • Addressing the differences in your kids outside of conflict.
  • Help for the mom who has a child with special needs in the sibling mix.
  • Connecting with others based not on experience but emotion.
  • Tips for conflicts that happen right before you have to leave the house.
Direct download: SofM2018JimLynnSiblings.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:30am CST

You desire your children to walk with God. But how do you lead them to that place?

Is that only your husband’s job? What if you are a single mom or functionally single mom?

What about your role as a leader in your faith community? Should women leaders be gentle and quiet?

Today’s guest is Jen Wilkin, author of “None Like Him” and “Women of the Word”.  She debunks some myths we believe about spiritual leadership, inside and outside of the home.

Her desire is for women to be grounded in the truth of God’s Word. To study with both their hearts and their minds. To know God and who He is. Then from knowing Him and His character see how He crafted us uniquely and our high worth in His eyes.

In this episode Jen and I chat about spiritual leadership. How we can expand the definition of what we think that means. How leading our children changes over the years. How her own single mom prayed fervently for her and for God to grow big in her life.

We also discuss how to be a spiritual leader in your community. How to manage that responsibility with humility and boldness. And how women need to not just see cute Instagram posts but know who God is from His Word.

What we chat about:

  • Jen’s young mom journey with three kids in four years.
  • The need for accountability and structure in studying the Bible as a young mom.
  • How the Wilkins describe leading children spiritual–the differences over the years.
  • Tips for the woman who is spiritually leading her children.
  • Expanding the definition of “spiritual leader” in the home.
  • Jen’s journey of spiritual growth having a single mom.
  • Self-reflection asking “Am I stepping on people? Limiting the contribution of others?”
  • How to be a woman in spiritual leadership/ministry.
  • What do you do if women think you are more “spiritual” than them.
  • How to be grounded in theWord and not cute, Instagram posts.
  • What does it mean that God is transcendent.

Links Mentioned:

Direct download: SofM2018JenWilkinWk6.mp3
Category:biblical training -- posted at: 12:30am CST

“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Pain is inevitable. In James we are told to “consider it all joy” when we encounter trials. James also wrote to ask God for wisdom and He will give it generously. Which I realized from a sermon this week has more to do with wisdom we gain from the challenging circumstances, not necessarily wisdom to get out of them.

But how many of us share our broken places with others? How often do we wait until the pain has passed and life is back to “normal” to share and minister to others? What if God longs for you to offer up the wisdom you are gaining in the midst of the challenge?

This week’s guest is Dr. Peggy Banks (Global Ministry Director for TWR Women of Hope). I’m a big Peggy fan. Years ago she discipled me in a deeper understanding of God and His Spirit in me. She modeled how to pray intimately with my heavenly Father. She taught me all the Spirit does in and through us. She inspired me with her passion for women around the world to know the healing available through Jesus Christ.

In this episode Peggy shares her own painful places. A past that includes abuse. A journey of learning to trust and stop striving in performance. She encourages us to meet with Jesus daily. And what that looks like for her. Peggy encourages us to gather with others in small groups to spur each other on in our spiritual journeys. Sharing what He is doing and lifting one another up in the process.

Peggy was a minister of Spiritual formation at my church for years. And now she leads a global ministry to women, TWR Women of Hope. God is using her pain for a purpose. Every day women around the world are hearing the gospel in their own language through the power of the airwaves. As a podcaster, I’m so inspired by the work of Women of Hope and Trans World Radio.

“As a small Army-surplus transmitter went on the air in Tangier, Morocco, in early 1954, the first step had been taken toward the development the world’s largest evangelical media organization” – Trans World Radio

Such a cool idea to realize the gospel has been traveling via airways since the 50s. What a joy to join Him in the work of spreading the good news!

What we chat about:

  • Peggy’s hidden pain while looking perfect on the outside and performing for approval.
  • The “spiritual mom” who helped Peggy get healing from the bondage and brokenness of abuse.
  • Learning to vulnerably share your struggles with those you are leading.
  • Advice for the listener who is in the middle of the painful place.
  • What does it mean “to be with Jesus”.
  • Gathering together with a group to be real and share your current pain.
  • How Peggy’s tattoos helped her minister to a specific group of women.
  • Peggy’s personal mission statement: “Helping hurting women around the world helping to find hope and healing in the person of Jesus Christ.”

Links Mentioned:

Direct download: SofM2018PeggyBanksWk5.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:30am CST

Teens. Toddlers. Moms.

No matter the age. We all struggle to remember (or know) the truth about who God says we are. And our position in Christ.

When we forget, we let friends, circumstances, or lies feed our souls with identity. And that takes us down the path of uncertainty,  harmful activities and a broken path.

Thankfully, today’s guest, Kristen Hatton, helps “Get Your Story Straight”.

When her daughter was in 6th grade, Kristen started teaching her and a group of friends truth from the Bible. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of great resources available for preteens/teens. So she used notes from her husband’s sermons and wrote her own Bible study. (click here to check it out)**

In this episode, Kristen and I talk about the struggle for our kids to know how “justification” applies to daily life. (And define what ‘justification’ means).

We also chat about how to help teens navigate the challenges of social media. And Kristen vulnerably shares her daughter’s battle with an eating disorder (which began with internalizing social media posts).

Lastly, Kristen helps us start to keep communication open with our kids. So when they are teens they will keep talking. I’m in the stage with lots of little people all trying to be with me and talk to me (at the same time). But after three blinks I’ll have a home full of teen boys. The time I spend listening now will impact how much they talk to me in the future.

Very thankful for the help, perspective and wisdom from Kristen. Now I can see the teenage years as an age of opportunity not a season to be feared.

What we chat about:

  • How quickly our kiddos grow into teenagers.
  • How Kristen saw a need for good bible study materials for teens.
  • Helping our kids be anchored in who God says we are (not who their friends on social media says they are).
  • Importance of teaching our kids the concept of justification.
  • When the world is measuring perfection and performance but we know we are only perfect in Christ.
  • How to communicate worth and identity to our kids.
  • Why teens stop talking to their parents.
  • Listening and asking probing questions.
  • Responding with grace instead of condemnation.
  • How internalizing social media posts led to her daughter’s eating disorder.
  • How boys struggle with social media.
  • How Kristen talks to her kids about the impact of social media.
  • Talking to your sons & daughters about pornography. Keeping an open conversation.
  • Reorienting your kids to the message of the gospel, moment-to-moment

Links Mentioned:

Direct download: SofM2018KristenHattonWk4.mp3
Category:motherhood -- posted at: 12:30am CST

No matter the battleground . . . Marriage challenges. Child struggles. Health trials. Overwhelming circumstances. How do you maneuver the daily attacks that rob your joy and peace?

This week’s mentor is Jan Greenwood, author and pastor of equipping at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. In 2009, Jan was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer. After the first battle, she experienced years of healing. Then four days shy of her 6 year recovery anniversary, cancer resurged in her body.

In this episode, Jan shares what God’s taught her about waging war. And how the football term #squareup impacted her battle strategies differently from the first and second time she fought cancer. Jan shares what it means for her to rest and let God fight for her. And encourages each of us to get a word and direction from the Lord for our unique situations.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from this episode:

This time my mindset has had to become one of agreement and not one of opposition. And squaring up is not about being steadfast in the Word of God, but its really about can I square up in such a manner that I can look at Jesus and trust Him.

I’m not very brave and not very strong. When I’m weak there’s a strength that shines through. And when I’m afraid, He makes me courageous.

I know how to fight but I don’t know how to rest.

What we chat about:

  • How God spoke to Jan at the news of cancer’s resurgence.
  • How Jan found comfort in her son’s football word “square up”.
  • The difference between how Jan has fought cancer the first time and the second time.
  • What “square up” means for her in this season.
  • The story behind the hashtag Jan uses: #bravestronggirl.
  • How her battle with cancer impacts her mothering.
  • Jan’s desire to get women to war together instead against each other.
  • The revelation to choose life and not succumb to death.
  • What rest looks like in Jan’s every day.
  • How you need your own word and direction from God.

Links Mentioned:

**Amazon Affiliate Link

Direct download: SofM2018JanGreenwoodWk3.mp3
Category:healing -- posted at: 12:30am CST

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