This special episode was recorded at our first Live Event held in 2017. Guests, Kat Lee & Wynter Pitts shared their mom stories. And encouraged with audience with thoughts on mentorship, friendship and dealing with fear and insecurity in motherhood. 

What we chat about:

• Kat Lee and Wynter Pitts’ motherhood stories
• Dealing with insecurities in motherhood
• The importance of having mentors and deep friends in the motherhood journey
• Mentors don’t have to be older than you or available weekly. Find a way to make mentorship work for you.
• Think of areas you are struggling with and look for someone who excels in that area to mentor you, no matter their age
• Start or join a DMA podcast club as a way to connect with other women
• You can be a mentor too! Look for younger moms who need encouragement.
• We are never alone because God is with us, but it’s hard to remember that when life gets crazy. Kat and Wynter share what helps them remember God in the midst of life.
• “Should is not a sustainable why.” Don’t just do things you SHOULD do if you don’t have a good reason for WHY.
• Helping your kids develop healthy friendships and community
• Not trying to over control your children’s lives and praying through how involved you should be in their friendships
• Hope for dealing with irrational fears and grief
• Giving yourself permission to be honest with God when you aren’t coping well and realizing that he is good despite your circumstances

Connect with Kat and HelloMornings:

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Instagram

Connect with For Girls Like You:

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Instagram

Links Mentioned:

• Music sung by Elena Pitts--"Even when it hurts" by Hillsong UNITED
• "HelloMornings" Book* by Kat Lee
• Start a DMA Podcast Club
• Paul David Tripp’s devotional, New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional **
• Barefoot Dreams Bamboo Lite Wrap** (aka "The Blardigan")  
• She Is Yours: Trusting God As You Raise the Girl He Gave You **  by Wynter Pitts

Featured Sponsors: 

• Lovevery — Take the guesswork out of your child’s play. Choose Lovevery TODAY and get free shipping when you sign up to receive your Play Kits at Lovevery.com/DMA
• Function of Beauty — Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/DMA to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order. That applies to their full range of customized hair, skin, and body products.

"They just keep fighting!"

Summer, for us, means lots of unstructured time together as a family. Which is great. . . until it's not.

Perhaps you can identify. Maybe you see yourself in one of the following situations:

Situation #1 - The kids are fighting - again! The harder you try to make it stop, the worse it seems to get - and the kids seem more and more resentful.

Situation #2 - One minute they love each other and the next minute they’re arch enemies. The older they get the louder and angrier it gets. You hate the way this affects everyone’s mood, including your own.

Situation #3 - Time-outs, required apologies, and firmness temporarily curb the fighting, but it soon comes back with more intensity.

Situation #4 - Your young kids are beginning their rivalry and you worry where it’s heading if you don’t learn some better strategies.  (copied from Sibling Conflict Online Course description).

Jim & Lynne Jackson from ConnectedFamilies.org are back to equip us in training our children to solve conflict well. And instead of just wishing they would "just stop fighting", to recognize the gospel work of guiding our family to reconciliation.

Jim & Lynne have been on the show before sharing their fabulous 4-layer framework for discipline that connects (Listen here to Episode 80 & 81). And again helping connect in any situation (Ep 98).

Today, they are talking us through The Peace Process. A simple but effective way to guide our kids to a lifetime of reconciled relationships. Here's their great graphic with the four steps moving us from "crazy mountain" to peaceful reconciliation (Click here to print your own copy):

Conflict is inevitable. Instead of just getting frustrated and annoyed, I've found having a plan to reconnect hearts and train empathy so helpful. I also loved all the phrases Jim & Lynne modeled to use as we guide our children through the process. Here are some of my favorites (I'll be bookmarking this page and referring to often):

• "Sounds like y'all are having a hard time. Do you need my help or are you able to work it out on your own?"
• "Solving brains won't work until we're calm. Why don't we each find a comfortable place. How long do you need? 5 min? 10 min? Then we'll come back together to work this out."
• "Did you hear that? How does she feel? Do you like that what you did made her feel that way? You two are listening to each other. How does that feel?"
• "Your big feelings are a gift. And they are an even greater gift with you can use them to help understand other's big feelings."
• "What's going on? What was important to each person? How have you solved this problem before? Would you like to think of ways to solve the problem or do you want me to help give you choices on how to solve it?"
• "Are there four things you could say that are kind and true about that person?"

Lastly, if you need more help learning how to guide your kiddos through the peace process, check out Jim & Lynne's new SIBLING CONFLICT ONLINE COURSE. I'll be working through it this summer. Join me!  USE DMA20 to save 20% off. 

What we chat about:

• Considering your own baggage/sibling situation as you rush into your kids' conflict.
• Are we trying to get conflict to stop or teach reconciliation?
• The four steps to "The Peace Process". 
• A real life example of applying peace process.
• How training in reconciliation helps our kids in their future marriages and relationships.
• Helping our kids learn how to solve the problem of the conflict (a 3-step process).
• A scenario of a more empathetic child in conflict with a more strong-willed child--growing specific skills in kids.
• Addressing the differences in your kids outside of conflict.
• Help for the mom who has a child with special needs in the sibling mix.
• Connecting with others based not on experience but emotion.
• Tips for conflicts that happen right before you have to leave the house.

Connect with Jim & Lynne:

Connected Families Site :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Pinterest

Links Mentioned:

• Free Discipline that Connects handbook
• Building Empathy in Kids (Part 1) and Building Empathy in Kids (Part 2) article
• "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)
• "Suppose your brother or sister has something against you, go make peace with them." (Abbr. Matthew 5:23-24).
• "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." (Matthew 5:9 NIV)
• "You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." (Matthew 5:9 MSG).
• Need one-on-one parent coaching? Click here
• Peaceful Mothering DVD

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• What is your process for sibling conflict to management in your home right now?
• What are some ways you and your child can calm down in the heat of conflict? How could taking a mom "time out" help you can down?
• Discuss how seeing conflict resolution in light of your child's future relationships (think coworkers and future spouse) can help you see why these skills are so important to learn now.
• Guiding your kids with questions as they resolve conflict helps support them make better decisions. Think of a few questions you could ask for common disagreements.
• Think about each of your kids and help make a plan for their individual personalities for conflict resolution.

FEATURED SPONSORS: 

• Function of Beauty— Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/DMA to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order. 
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It’s summertime again and in the absence of formal school your kids may be looking forward to unstructured time and more access to screens. As one of the first generations to parent kids in the age of smartphones, we can choose to be on high alert to how healthy our kids' digital habits are and help them set healthy boundaries.

My guest Arlene Pellicane shares strategies from her book Screen Kids and from her own family life. They have a “no phone, no gaming, no social media” policy for their kids and she shares the research and practical reasons behind why. But, wherever you are with screens and your family, this time of year is a perfect time for a reset. 

“For our summer mindset, we all need a break and this could be a beautiful time to have some kind of different routine with our screens."

We talk about digital vegetables vs digital candy, reconsidering phones for younger kids, building real world skills for our kids instead of just digital ones and setting digital boundaries. It’s so helpful and I’m already implementing some of Arlene’s advice for my boys this summer. 

Know that you are not alone in this struggle. Together we can do this!

Connect with Arlene: 

• Website:  https://arlenepellicane.com 
• Facebook: facebook.com/ArlenePellicaneAuthor 
• Instagram: @arlenepellicane 

Links Mentioned:  

• BOOK: Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World
• BOOK: 5 Love Languages Of Children: The Secret To Loving Children Effectively 
• Screen Kids in their Own Words
• ScriptSub by Erika Dawson (Faithful Moms)
• Gabb Wireless Phone

 Featured Sponsors: 

• Prep Dish—Get 2 weeks of meal plans FREE go to prepdish.com/DMA
• BetterHelp—get 10% off your first month of professional online counseling at betterhelp.com/DMA

Managing your home in the midst of motherhood is a challenge, especially when cleaning, organizing and decluttering don’t come naturally. 

My guest Dana K. White struggled for years to figure out why her home was so messy. She could get it clean, but it would take days and then in no time it was right back to where she’d started with piles of clutter, laundry and dishes. 

“I had always thought before, my home is not who I am, but now it was my identity and it was even harder. And that was when I really thought. There's something wrong with me. Like, literally I am broken in some way. I cannot do this thing that other people seem to be able to do so easily.”

God brought her to a place of breakthrough when she started an anonymous blog to get open and real about being a “slob.” Through that, she started to discover some simple truths about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work for people who don’t love cleaning and organizing.

We talk about tips for how to start cleaning when you feel overwhelmed, how to only make progress when decluttering and more. It’s a great listen for yourself and to learn how to help the less organized members of your family. 

Here’s to making progress on our homes this summer! Stay tuned for the Summer of Mentorship starting June 21st. Great episodes to listen to while you clean and declutter. 

Connect with Dana: 

• Website:  aslobcomesclean.com
• Facebook: facebook.com/ASlobComesClean 
• Instagram:  @aslobcomesclean 

Links Mentioned:  

• BOOK: How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind
• BOOK: Decluttering at the Speed of Life

Featured Sponsors: 

• Rothy’s --Keep it clean with washable shoes and bags from Rothy’s. Plus they just launched men’s shoes, so make sure to check them out for the men in your life. Go to Rothys.com/DMA today to check out your favorites
• Thrive Market -- Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA Join to get $20 off your first order AND a free gift.